When the Holidays Hurt: Navigating Perinatal Grief and Loss
The holiday season is often associated with connection, celebration, and family traditions. For families experiencing (or have experienced) perinatal grief and loss, this time of year can feel especially challenging. After miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal loss, or complex fertility experiences, the holidays may remind them of what was hoped for and deeply loved.
If you are moving through this season with grief, your experience is real and valid.
Why the Holidays Can Intensify Perinatal Grief
Holidays tend to amplify emotional experiences, particularly grief. Cultural expectations around joy, family gatherings, and children can make pregnancy loss and infant loss grief feel more visible and more painful.
You may notice:
Heightened sadness, anxiety, or emotional fatigue
Feelings of isolation and loneliness, even when surrounded by others
Sensitivity to pregnancy announcements or conversations about children
Pressure to participate in traditions that no longer feel supportive
Allowing Space for Your Grief
Grief is not linear, does not follow a timeline, and does not pause for the holiday season. Many people feel pressured to ‘ look okay’ or to participate in celebrations despite feeling emotionally depleted.
It is okay to give yourself permission to care for your needs. This may include:
Setting limits around social commitments
Modifying or stepping away from traditions
Allowing moments of joy and moments of sadness to coexist
Prioritizing rest and emotional wellbeing
Grieving during the holidays does not mean you are ungrateful or stuck—it means you are honoring the depth of your loss and listening to your needs.
Honoring Your Baby in Meaningful Ways
Remembering your baby can be a source of comfort and connection.
You might consider:
Sharing your baby’s story with a trusted loved one
Create a small memory box with meaningful items
Journaling, writing a letter, or reflecting
Planting a tree, flower or garden in their memory
These practices can be deeply personal and do not need to be shared with others unless you choose.
Navigating Family Gatherings and Supportive Boundaries
Well-intentioned family members and friends may not always know how to support someone experiencing grief after miscarriage, neonatal loss or stillbirth. Comments meant to reassure can sometimes feel invalidating or painful.
Setting clear and compassionate boundaries using short and simple statements can help protect your emotional space.
“This season is emotionally difficult for us.”
“We appreciate your care and patience right now.”
Seeking Support During the Holiday Season
Perinatal grief can be profoundly isolating, particularly during a time of year focused on togetherness. A psychologist or therapist trained in perinatal mental health can offer a safe and understanding space to process your experience.
Counseling can help you:
Feel less alone in your grief
Develop tools to navigate triggers and milestones
Find ways to carry your love and loss with greater steadiness
Using specific therapy modalities, such as Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing (EMDR) or Imagery Rescripting, can also help process difficult memories associated with grief while honouring the love and connection that remains. Support is not about “moving on,” but about being met with compassion as you heal.
If you are ready, I invite you to reach out to learn more about counseling support for perinatal grief and loss. Together, we can create space for your story, your grief, and your healing—at your pace. Reach out to us here.
